


relapse

by tgxiic (Gh0stPr1nc3), umspencer



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Past Depression & Anxiety, Relapse, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 08:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6797080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gh0stPr1nc3/pseuds/tgxiic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/umspencer/pseuds/umspencer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark gets worried about Jack while he's visiting his family, afraid something's wrong with the irishman. His worries are confirmed when he walks into their bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	relapse

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT: Please do not read if you are triggered by these warnings; I don't wish for any of you get hurt by reading this.
> 
> Also, "o0o" begins and ends a flashback until I have time and shit to italicize; for now, sorry!
> 
>  
> 
> find me at:
> 
> tumblr / instagram: @tgxic  
> kik / wattpad: @tgxiic
> 
> you can send me prompt requests on my tumblr :)

Mark and Jack had been dating for six years; two years online and the other four together in Mark's- sorry, their home. They were also engaged for three months before they were married which was two years ago today. 

o0o 

On their one year anniversary, neither had exactly planned anything special, or so Jack thought. Not that he hadn't planned anything beforehand! He really had, but then he'd accidentally overheard Mark in the living room, having gotten home a lot earlier than he had expected and told Mark of, and he couldn't help but to listen for just a second.

"Do you think he'll like it? Like, I know he's always wanted to go there and I feel like it be a good start to our one year anniversary... I'm just really nervous... Yeah, yeah you're right... Thanks, Wade! I'll let you know how goes-" 

And then Jack had stopped listening, taking it as his cue to quietly yet quickly walk back to the door and slam it shut a little louder to alert Mark that he was home.

No harm, no foul right? He knew that Mark had something planned for them, he just didn't know where he was planning on taking them or what else he had in store. So, Jack had canceled his plans and instead stuck to his gift to his husband.

o0o

That had ended up to be one of the best nights of the men's lives. A night that celebrated their loving bond together that they sought to have many more in the future. The joyous light that flooded both of their eyes and only brought forth laughter and love was the best feeling in the world when they saw it in the others' eyes.

What happened to that? Why did that light leave Jack's eyes? Why didn't he laugh and smile as much as he used too?

Mark couldn't even begin to think what could have caused any of those things. One minute he was happy, then- he just wasn't at all. Well, maybe the irishman had slowly transgressed from one to the other, but it wasn't until it was too late that Mark found out that something was wrong with his husband.

He hadn't exactly realized anything was wrong immediately. He knew Jack was a little quieter, forced his smiles and laughs a few times around him, their fans, friends, and families, but maybe he was just tired. That's what he always told Mark at least.

o0o

"Babe, you okay? You seem a little out of it lately..."

Jack forced a weak grin at the man, placed a chaste kiss to his lips and nuzzled his face into the crook of Mark's neck, sighing heavily.

"Just a little stressed and tired is all, love. It'll be alright; I'll be okay."

o0o

And that would be the end of the conversation. Whenever Mark would ask, Jack replied with the same old excuse. That's how those kind of conversations always went, and that was that; no more questions or doubts about it.

But lately, as in the past few days while Mark's been gone for a few days to visit his family for the week, he's started to get anxious. 

For the past two days, Jack hasn't answered any of his texts, calls, emails- anything. He'd even asked a few friends to try to get ahold of him, but to no avail as they had received the same results.

Mark eventually couldn't take the worry that settled heavily in his chest anymore and explained to his mom that he had to cut his visit short to which she smiled in knowing and had the rest of his family bid Mark goodbye.

As of now, he's having Wade nearly drive eight miles per hour from the airport to his and Jack's shared house.

Earlier, he had only been slightly passed worried, but when he saw that Jack's social media account's had new posts and he and their friends had a new message from the green haired man saying only the words "I'm sorry.", in them, he was full blown out panicking. I mean, come one, who wouldn't freak our over that? He couldn't care less about what anyone else was thinking or saying right now about the two words; he was focused on getting to Jack and Jack only.

Mark new that Jack has a past history of dealing with anxiety and depression but he hadn't really found a reason to worry about it considering how perfect Jack's life was right now. He's been fine for years! What could have possibly triggered him into relapsing into it again?

"Oh fuck, please don't let it be true, please, please, please-" Mark thought aloud for Wade to hear clearly, but immediately shut up as Wade didn't even finish pulling the car in the driveway before Mark bolted out of the car and ran into the house, not bothering to close the door as he shouted for Jack and searched every room.

"Sean? Sean?! Angel, where are you?!" Mark cried out, flinging open doors in the house and searching every crevice of the room before hurriedly moving on and listening for any sign of Jack.

Wade, Bob, and Felix had eventually joined in on the frantic search. Felix had come over in hopes of surprising Mark when he got back as a surprise visit, but now wasn't the time for surprises when Wade called the two over for help.

After nearly ten minutes later, they all heard a loud curse being cried out from Felix upstairs, Mark immediately shot up to the sound and ran in the direction of the swedish man's devastated sounding shouts.

What Mark saw confirmed his fears.

There Jack laid on the floor of their bathroom, door busted in from where he assumed it was locked and Felix thankfully wasted no time by pushing it in. There was blood on the unconscious mans arms, cuts littered over arms from the inside of his wrists to the insides of his elbows. 

"Oh God- J-Jack?!" Mark heard Wade call out from behind him and Felix.

The red haired man hurried over to Jack, clearly caring less that he was getting blood all over his jeans and hands as he kneeled beside him and cradling Jack tight to his own body, pressing to fingers to the inside of Jack's neck to feel for a pulse. He sighed in some relief as he felt a week pulse but Mark's own heart still pounded and blood rushed through his ears as he panicked more and started to shout out commands to the man around them.

"Bob, get a couple of towels and also two changes of clothes, don't care what it is. Wade, can you drive us to the hospital?" Mark pleaded the two men who shook their heads wordlessly as they began to do as they were told, Felix still standing there in shock before he followed Wade out the door and into the car before the other three piled in as well.

Mark had swiped the towels that Bob had fetched and wound them tight around Jack's arms to try and minimize at least some of the blood flow until they got to the hospital, changing them out with a few other clean one's that Bob had brought with them in the car.

"It'll be okay, sweetheart. I've got you, I won't let anything happen to you ever gain, I promise; I'm so sorry, Jack," The three heard Mark whispering to his husband. No one said a thing in response, only focusing on getting Jack to the hospital and making sure he would be okay.

~~~

Mark shoved his way through the people in the hospital that were in his way, knowing none of them were hurt nearly as badly as Jack but just mindlessly wandering while they probably waited for their loved ones as well.

He rushed to the receptionist, carrying Jack bridal style with the towels Bob had grabbed earlier wrapped around his bleeding wrists, which were hopefully slowly the process by now.

The woman frowned in concern, peaking over her desk to see the man in his arms and only frowning more.

"How may I help you, sir?" 

Wow, she sure sounds concerned.

"My husband- please, he's bleeding so bad, I can't-"

"Wound type?" She interrupted, already typing away on her laptop, only looking away to eye Mark for an answer.

"Self inflicted," He choked out solemnly.

She hummed in acknowledgement, had a fee men put Jack on a stretcher and rushed off, and told Mark and the others that they would have to wait in the lobby until he was patched up and good to go.

The four men begrudgingly did so, and anxiously bounced their legs, bit their nails, and paced until a man came to ask Mark a few questions and led them to the room Jack was in.

~~~

It had been an hour or two before Jack had finally opened his eyes, blinking rapidly to adjust to the bright lights that bounced off all white that was a hospital room. Glancing around, he felt the urge to cry once more at the sight of white bandages wrapped around both his arms, covering his once bleeding wrists, and the four men in the room around him.

Mark sat on the edge of the crisp white blankets of Jack's hospital bed, holding his hand gently and rubbing circles into his hand with his thumb. Wade and Bob stood at the door, talking idly to probably pass the time in hopes of Jack waking up quicker, and lastly Felix who sat in one of the chairs beside the bed.

"I uh... g-guys? What am I...?" 'What am I doing here?' Jack tried to force the words out, but his voice died in his throat as the sudden realization came to him that 'it didn't fucking work' came to his mind and slowly shoved its way to the forefront of the mans mind; the thought taking over.

"Oh fuck, I-" Jack started but once again was cut off by his voice cracking, evidentially giving out completely at the wide eyes on him from all around the room. Yet no tears would fall, he just felt so numb. He felt like such an insensitive prick for not being able to cry at a moment like this, but it's kinda hard to when all you can feel is this emptiness in your chest like there's something missing.

On one hand, Jack felt like such a failure for having been caught before he could have went through with his plan, but on the other, he was so fucking grateful that they had found him and saved his life. But that's what most people wish for when this happens, right? When they're behind a close door- usually unlocked as they do this to themselves- they close the door so no one will see them, it'd be terrible if they did and it scares them shitless at the thought of someone seeing them in this state. But they also leave the door unlocked because somewhere deeper from within them, they're secretly praying to whatever higher force that someone will somehow find them, comfort them, knock some sense into to them, anything to help make this pain just stop. They always close that door so no one will see them, but they keep it unlocked because they secretly want them to open it and find out and help.

"Jack, Jack I- I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, sweetheart, I- oh my god," Mark breathes out, taking the younger's hand in his own together as if he's afraid to let go of him. "Please, if you ever need me, let me know okay? I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner, I just-" He cut himself off and took a deep breath before letting it out in a heavy sigh, looking up into the watering blue eyes of his husband.

"I promise, I'll never leave you when you need me. Don't be afraid to talk to me, or cry, or anything because I love you so damn much, Jack. I'll do anything to make you happy, baby. Please, just promise me you'll never do this again, I love you. I can't lose you"

"I love you too, Mark... I-I'm sorry."

"Sean... You didn't promise me."

Jack let out a defeated sounding sigh. He didn't feel as if he was ever going to get better after this, and he certainly didn't want to bring Mark down with him by being seen this way. So, with a forced smile and a hug, Jack finally whispered back in response.

"I promise, I won't do it again." He swore, sounding so sincere that he could almost feel the tension in the room bleed away and instead be replaced with relieve and happier smiles from his friends and husband. 

Jack promised them all that he'd never do it again.

But there was a hand behind his back, and every finger was crossed.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about this, it was a vent fic initially to be quite honest with you so, yeah, thy's why this exists.
> 
> Any form of self harm is not something to romanticize, as I hope I haven't done by writing this. This is just one of the may ways I find in how to vent and get things off my chest. Being suicidal or condoning in any form of self harm is not 'cool' or 'romantic', it's nearly a living hell to deal with and in no way or form should it be interpreted as otherwise. It is a serious issue that many go through and usually, when you start, it's hard to stop (though I'm not saying you can't stop, as if you get the right help and such, many can stop eventually).
> 
>  
> 
> did you like it? did you hate it? did i make someone take their shirt off twice? let me know in the comments!
> 
> and, as always, thank you for reading :) xx


End file.
